EMQ » Jan – March 2025 » Volume 61 Issue 1

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Islamic Family Evangelism

Summary: Over two billion people identify as Muslims worldwide. Due to globalization, they live across the world and are our neighbors and co-workers. This makes it even more important to understand their context. Approaching Muslims with the gospel from an individualist perspective is often unsuccessful. A shift in approach to a family-based incarnational ministry using a contextualized house-church model could improve missions outcomes.

By George Dumitrascu

In the aftermath of the second Gulf War in the spring of 2003, my family and I were ministering in Suleymaniah in Northern Iraq. It was there we met Ali, his wife Nouria, and their son Ahmed. Ali, an engineer, and Nouria, a pharmacist, lived in the basement floor of the house we were renting.

We were newcomers to the region, and their fluency in English made it easier to connect during that challenging time. Through them and our coworkers, my family and I gained a deep understanding of Muslim family life and culture, learning practical ways to demonstrate and share the love of Christ.

Today, over two billion people identify as Muslims worldwide. Their presence is growing, not only in traditionally Muslim regions – countries traditionally associated with the 10/40 window^[i] – but also in places like Western Europe and North America due to globalization. They are not just our neighbors, but also our coworkers and classmates.

In this context, Christians’ efforts to reach out across cultural boundaries, understanding the different values and family structures, have a greater chance of success with an accurate comprehension of Islamic family values. Only after understanding these values can proper contextualization occur. Then evangelism can happen as a natural relational experience.

Islamic Marriage and Family

In Western society, the individual and their needs are often the primary focus. In contrast, Muslim culture places the family, alongside the mosque, at the center of both theology and social life.^[ii] The family serves as the primary environment where children learn Islamic values, prayers, and develop their worldviews. Essentially, the Islamic family forms the foundation of Muslim society.

The meaning and role of the Muslim family are debated in Islamic theology and culture. The classical view links the immediate purpose of the family to practical benefits. Imam Al-Ghazali, an eleventh-century Islamic thinker, identified offspring as the primary reason for marriage, followed by the control of carnal desires, household organization, the expansion of kinship networks and mutual welfare and protection against evil.^[iii]

Newer but singular voices, such as Ahmend Akhbar, attempt to bring some spiritual meaning to the Islamic perspective on family. He states: “The family is a divinely inspired institution that came into existence with the creation of man. The human race is a product of this institution and not the other way round.”^[iv]

However, this view contrasts with the dominant classical understanding. Al-Ghazali’s view continues to govern many Muslim societies, where family life is shaped by religious law – the shari’ah.^[v]Family is thus regarded as a contract based on the consent of both parties and is dissoluble.

Thus, in Islamic law, marriage (Qur’an –nikah) is a contract, not a spiritual union as in Christianity. The same terminology also refers to sexual intercourse. Marriage is considered valid when it involves a matrimonial guardian, a dowry (mahr), and two witnesses.^[vi] Islam treats marriage as dissoluble, unlike Christian views on marriage.

Islamic family life is guided by detailed rules and regulations within the legal-religious framework of shari’ah. According to Mohd Anuar Ramli et al “About a third of the legal injunctions in the Qur’an deal with family matters.”^[vii] Thes aim to instill attitudes and behaviors that Islam promotes across generations.

Family Structure and Roles

Traditional Muslim families are often extended, spanning multiple generations. This structure offers stability, coherence, and physical and psychological support.^[viii] Elderly members are revered. As they age, they gain status and influence. The elderly are generally expected to have the final word in extended family matters and to lead most, if not all, of the family’s affairs.

Men

Men hold significant responsibilities in Muslim families. They are considered the family’s breadwinners and have complex duties toward society, family, and even the extended family.

Khan, quoting the revered Al-Haythami, paints the ideal image of the Muslim man: “They find all the good of this world and the hereafter who possess these four things: a heart that gives thanks, a tongue that remembers God, a body which is patient when persecuted, and a wife who can be trusted to remain chaste and refrain from misusing her husband’s wealth.”^[ix]

As fathers and husbands, men are considered the heads of their families, more valuable and important than their wives and children. The family’s social status often depends on the man’s achievements. Even if a wife has more financial means, the husband is expected to provide for the family, and if the wife contributes financially, it may bring shame to the husband. Sometimes, such practices are used to explain the inequality of inheritance, where a man receives a larger share of the family legacy than a woman.^[x]

In their interactions with women, men often emphasize women’s perceived deficiencies while praising masculine qualities. Khan suggests that men are more “broad-minded” and realistic due to their experience in the outside world, while women’s thinking is marked by “limitations” and emotional influence.^[xi]

Women

Women in Islamic culture are viewed differently from men. A woman’s testimony is often considered less valuable than a man’s. The ideal wife is expected to be “quiet and soft-spoken,” and her behavior is tightly regulated. She should not leave the house without a need, must dress modestly, avoid walking among men, and refrain from interacting with men alone or shaking their hands.^[xii] Such qualities are “valuable in family and society.”^[xiii]

Society generally looks down on strong, independent women, and women who take on traditionally male roles are considered to degrade themselves. “What is the point of a masculine woman? It would be as if a man were married to another man. A woman has to be fine and weak. No man likes a he-she.”^[xiv]

Paradoxically, while women’s roles are closely tied to family, child-rearing, and caregiving, they face significant discrimination in exactly these areas. According to Kazemi: “It is quite clear that in their basic and pure form Islam, personal status laws discriminate against women in the areas of inheritance, divorce, marriage, and child custody rights.”^[xv]

Children

Children are highly valued in Muslim families, and childless marriages are often blamed on the wife. Having children, particularly sons, is seen as a blessing and a sign of fertility. The mother plays the primary role in childcare during the early years, while the father typically becomes more involved as the children grow, especially with sons.

Islamic societies tend to favor boys over girls. Sons are often better cared for and nourished. Sharaf et al. note that “There is empirical evidence on the existence of son preference in the Middle East region which is manifested in different phases of a child’s development.”^[xvi] According to some authors, such social constructs may be rooted in the Arabic warrior mentality that values boys over girls and the traditional Islamic inheritance laws.^[xvii]

The Extended Family

The extended family plays a critical role in Muslim family life, often living together in multi-generational homes or close proximity. The roles within the extended family are typically predetermined, with elderly males leading the family. Their authority is rarely challenged, and they play a central role in child-rearing and decision-making.

Elderly grandparents are revered and are responsible for passing down family traditions and values. Other family members often contribute during times of crisis or celebration, reinforcing the interconnectedness of the family.

This structure helps preserve Islamic cultural and religious heritage across generations and fosters a sense of unity that allows families to survive and thrive in challenging circumstances.^[xviii]

Family Religiosity

Religiosity lies at the heart of Muslim family life. Islam teaches that both men and women are equal in fulfilling religious duties. The Qur’an and Hadith emphasize proper religious conduct for all family members, which is often legislated through shari’ah. The Qur’an expects all individuals to be devout Muslims: “If any do deeds of righteousness – be they male or female – and have faith, they will enter Heaven” (Qur’an 4:124).

Fathers, mothers, children, and grandparents all have defined roles in religious practice, with religiosity intrinsically linked to early Islam and the life of Prophet Muhammad. Husbands look to Muhammad as a role model, while wives emulate the behavior of his wives.

Numerous studies highlight the role of religiosity in Muslim parenting. Values such as dignity, honor, and modesty are consistently emphasized as the model of ideal behavior. Religious values and practices are instilled from a young age during the socialization process of children. Parents are encouraged to “show the child in words as well as in deeds the Islamic way of life, hoping that this early socialization will be effective in later years.”^[xix]

Building Bridges

Reflecting on our missionary efforts in northern Iraq in 2003, I recall the initial difficulty my wife and I faced in connecting with Ali and Nouria. After our first meeting, it took a couple of months for Ali to approach us. “We have been observing your family for a while,” he said. “You are not like other foreigners. What can you tell me about yourself?”

His simple introduction was a welcomed sign that the ice was beginning to break, and we could potentially form a friendship. Ali and Nouria gradually opened up to our family. Over time, Ali and Nouria opened up to us, sharing Kurdish meals while patiently explaining their culture and values, while we reciprocated with Romanian dishes, explaining biblical values, and prayers for them.

Ali and Nouria remain in our hearts as positive examples, but historically, missionaries among Muslims face significant challenges. While anti-Christian sentiment in Islamic culture is often blamed, cultural and religious differences, language barriers, and a low success rate also pose obstacles for Western missionaries.

Moreover, many approach Muslims with an individualist mindset, overlooking cultural nuances, family dynamics, and social constraints.^[xx] This highlights the need for contextualizing the Christian message within the Islamic culture for effective ministry.

To faithfully fulfill the mission of proclaiming the gospel and making disciples, a contextualized approach is essential. This should involve three key dimensions: maintaining a learning and open mindset, focusing on kinship strategies, and emphasizing spiritual development.^[xxi]

A learning and open attitude is crucial for contextualization, though it often eludes missionaries working in Islamic cultures. Effective ministry requires humility, a willingness to learn difficult languages, and an openness to understanding the values and worldviews of the host culture.

This process parallels the kenosis (self-emptying) of Jesus, described in Philippians 2:7. Through this process the very Son of God not only behaved and lived as a human being but became a human being fully immersed in the culture of his time, while bringing the message of eternal salvation.As Trousdale emphasizes, “If we are to emulate the model of Jesus, we must learn to minister as he did, meeting human needs while also confronting the lost with the truth of the gospel.”^[xxii]

Missionaries can contextualize the gospel by learning about the host culture and engaging in respectful discussions about the distinctiveness of their faith. This approach enables Muslims to reflect on their own worldviews and beliefs, while also allowing Christian workers to effectively communicate key doctrines, such as the Trinity and salvation.^[xxiii] Open dialogue builds mutual understanding and fosters trust, which is essential in sharing the gospel.

A second element, a kinship-focused strategy, is crucial in contextualizing the gospel. In contrast to the individualist approach common in the West, Christian workers in Islamic contexts must emphasize family and kinship ties. Research shows that focusing solely on individuals often leads to little or no success in the Middle East. Muslim families exert strong pressure on new converts to return to Islam, resisting the counter-cultural message of the gospel.^[xxiv]

For missionary efforts to be successful, they must address the entire family unit. The gospel must be presented in a way that resonates with the values and relational dynamics of Muslim families. By focusing on kinship ties and family structures, missionaries can more effectively communicate the transformative power of the gospel, rather than isolating individuals from their families, which often leads to rejection of the message.

The final element of contextualization is a spiritual development strategy, or as Phil Marshall suggests, a focus on “spiritual dynamics.”^[xxv] Parshall highlights the importance of missionaries prioritizing their own spiritual development, including reading Scripture, seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit, fervent prayer, patience, love, and faith.

Parshall also notes that inefficiency in Christian witness often stems from a neglect of these spiritual disciplines by many workers. Therefore, missionary organizations must prioritize, reconsider, and reevaluate the role of spiritual dynamics in the lives of their workers when establishing strategies and plans. Without a strong emphasis on these disciplines and qualities in the daily lives of Christian workers, the gospel’s impact will be limited among Muslim families.^[xxvi]

A Family-Integrated Model of Evangelism

To effectively address evangelism and discipleship in Islamic areas, missionary efforts must recognize the central role of family in Muslim cultures. A culturally contextualized model can be based on three key elements: demonstrating Christian family as a covenant of love, developing an incarnational ministry, and implementing a house-church model.

A Covenant of Love

One primary goal of missionary efforts is to present a new concept of family relationships and marriage. In contrast to the Islamic view of marriage as a contractual agreement, Christianity promotes family life as a covenant of love. Jack and Judith Balswick highlight this difference, stating, “Family life based on contract leads to an atmosphere of law and is a discredit to Christianity. […] Family relationships as designed by God are meant to be lived out in an atmosphere of grace and not law.”^[xxvii]

Christian families reflect God’s love for the world through agape love, mirroring Christ’s sacrifice for humanity (John 3:16). This same self-sacrificial love should characterize family relationships, particularly in the context of marriage: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).

Missional efforts toward Islam must demonstrate this love-based family dynamic, both in concept and practice. Missionaries and Christian workers involved in evangelism should model loving relationships within their own families and among their Muslim neighbors. By practicing agape love, Christian families can encourage Muslim families to re-examine their own relationships. As Iliam argues, nothing demonstrates the love-based relationships within a Christian family better than an open house and a godly family.^[xxviii]

An Incarnational Ministry

A further step in evangelizing within Muslim cultures is adopting an incarnational approach, where Christian workers immerse themselves in the host culture.^[xxix] This practice follows Christ’s example of emptying himself and becoming human (Philippians 2:7–8).

Missionaries should set aside Western stereotypes and embrace the values and traditions of the Muslim culture. By learning the language, adopting elements of traditional clothing, showing respect for Muslim customs, and building friendships, missionaries demonstrate what Christ and Christianity are like through their actions.^[xxx]

This approach should eventually engage the entire Muslim family, often forming a family-to-family relationship. Julia Colgate’s example in Invest Your Heart demonstrates how deep cultural immersion allowed her to become a surrogate older sister for a young Muslim girl and ultimately win the whole family to Christ.^[xxxi] Such relationships are crucial for fostering trust and acceptance.

The House Church

The final element of this model is developing a house-church ministry, which can offer a genuine expression of Christian family identity.^[xxxii] Instead of replicating Western-style institutional churches, a contextualized house-church model can provide family-like relationships similar to those found in the early Christian communities of the first and second centuries.

In Muslim cultures, where kinship ties are highly valued, the house-church model can help create a surrogate family for believers. This setting fosters intimate relationships and provides a familiar, non-threatening environment where believers can invite friends or extended family.

The practical advantages of a house-church model are numerous. It allows for greater flexibility, maintains a lower profile, and provides a safe space for Christian believers within a Muslim context to grow in their faith while respecting the cultural emphasis on family. This approach helps contextualize the gospel, making it more relatable and less foreign to Muslim families.

Transformation Through Families

The family is a central institution in Muslim culture, crucial for any ministry aimed at lasting transformation. In all Muslim regions, family remains at the core of cultural change. An-Na’im, in his seminal research “Islamic Family Law in a Changing World,” views current developments as a confrontation between traditionalism and novelty. He states, “[…] the debate over family law is a sore spot in the Muslim psyche and a highly symbolic location of the struggle between the forces of traditionalism and modernism in the Muslim world.”^[xxxiii]

As the Islamic world opens to new ideas, it is my sincere hope that Christian workers will play a more active role in witnessing and embodying the gospel. By demonstrating love and contextualizing the Christian message within family life, missionaries can significantly influence Muslim families. In return, the Christian perspective will transform cultures and establish active churches in Islamic cultural strongholds.

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[i] This area roughly encompasses North Africa, the Middle East, and Asia located between 10 and 40 degrees north latitude, and includes most of the world’s unreached people. A. Scott Moreau, Gary R. Corwin, and Gary B. McGee, Introducing World Missions: A Biblical, Historical, and Practical Survey, Har/Cdr edition (Grand Rapids, Mich: Baker Academic, 2004), 225.

[ii] For a longer discussion comparing the Western versus Islamic values see Hasnah Haron, Nurul Nazlia Jamil, and Nathasa Mazna Ramli, “Western and Islamic Values and Ethics: Are They Different?,” Journal of Governance and Integrity 4, no. 1 (November 27, 2020): 12–28, https://doi.org/10.15282/jgi.4.1.2020.5609.

[iii] Imam Al-Ghazali, The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam (Adab an-Nikah) Book Twelve of Ihya’ulum Ad-Din Trad. Muhtar Holland (Hollywood, FL, Al-Baz Publishing, 1998), 14–33.

[iv] Akbar S. Ahmend Living Islam, From Samarkand to Stornoway (BBC Books Limited, Woodlands, London, 1993), 13.

[v] Most but not all Islamic countries apply a specific form of their understanding of shari’ah which is greatly influenced by local customs and can change over time. Shari’ah is also the basis of legal opinions called fatwas, issued by Muslim scholars in response to requests from individual Muslims or governments seeking guidance. Birgit Krawietz and Helmut Reifeld, Islam and the Rule of Law: Between Sharia and Secularization (Konrad-Adenauer-Stiftung, 2008), 24.

[vi] For more details on the Islamic concept of marriage, see Madelain Farah, Marriage and Sexuality in Islam. A translation of Al-Ghazali’s Book on the Etiquette of Marriage from the Ihya (Salt Lake City, Utah, University of Utah Press, 1984), 11–12.

[vii] Bilal Hussain et al., “A Qur’anic Approach to Family Institution: A Textual Study,” Review of Education Administration and Law 4, no. 2 (June 2021), 541–51.

[viii] For a larger discussion on the Islamic extended family, see Anwar M. Young, Muslims in Britain: Attitudes, Educational Needs, and Policy Implications (Leicester: Islamic Foundation; 1994), 47–49.

[ix] Vaḥīduddīn K̲h̲ān̲, Woman in Islamic Shari’ah, reprint edition (Islamic Centre, 1995), 9.

[x] Mohd Anuar Ramli et al., “Women’s Right of Inheritance in Islam: Between the Sharia Provision and Demand of Socio-Cultural Changes,” Khazanah Hukum 5, no. 2 (August 27, 2023): 171–82, https://doi.org/10.15575/kh.v5i2.29181.

[xi] Shamshad M. Khan, Why Two Women Witnesses (Ta-Ha Publishers, 1993), 176.

[xii] Ibn Warraq, Why I Am Not a Muslim (Amherst, N.Y: Prometheus Books, 1995), 317.

[xiii] Uddin Sabir, A Muslim Husband and Wife: Rights and Duties, 1st ed. (Kitab Bhavan, 1996), 7.

[xiv] Sherifa Zuhur, Revealing Reveiling, (Albany: University of New York, 1992), 283.

[xv] Farhad Kazemi, “Gender, Islam, and Politics,” Social Research 67, no. 2 (2000): 457.

[xvi] Mesbah Fathy Sharaf, Ahmed Shoukry Rashad, and Elhussien Ibrahim Mansour, “Son Preference and Child Under Nutrition in the Arab Countries: Is There a Gender Bias against Girls?,” Middle East Development Journal 11, no. 2 (July 3, 2019): 201, https://doi.org/10.1080/17938120.2019.1664837.

[xvii] V. R. Jones and L. Bevan, Women in Islam (Lucknow, India, The Lucknow Publishing House, 1941), 14–15.

[xviii] For a comprehensive discussion about the importance of extended family see Lois Ibsen Al Faruqi, “An Extended Family Model from Islamic Culture,” Journal of Comparative Family Studies 9, no. 2 (1978): 243–56.

[xix] Sharon K. Houseknecht “The Roles of Religion and family” in Family Religion and Social Change in Diverse Societies, ed. Sharon K. Houseknecht and Jerry G. Pankhurst (New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2000), 83.

[xx] Duane Elmer, Cross-Cultural Servanthood: Serving the World in Christlike Humility (Downers Grove, Ill: IVP, 2006), 196.

[xxi] I am largely following Ed McManness’ model of contextualization in his chapter: Ed McManness, “A Contextual, Incarnate Jesus,” in Anabaptists Meeting Muslims: A Calling for Presence in the Way of Christ, ed. James R. Krabill, David W. Shenk, and Linford Stutzman (Scottdale, PA: Herald Press, 2005), 413–19.

[xxii] Jerry Trousdale, Miraculous Movements: How Hundreds of Thousands of Muslims Are Falling in Love with Jesus (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2012), 89.

[xxiii] See for instance Warren F. Larson “Critical Contextualization and Muslim Conversion” in IJFM 13 (1996): 190; and Arne Rudvin, “The Gospel and Islam: What Sort of Dialogue is Possible?” in Al-Mushir 21 (1979): 122–123.

[xxiv] As a significant example, Nabel Qureshi emphasizes the role of his family in the Islamic worldview he was raised into. He writes: “Through it all, I had no idea that I was coming to the end of an era. I had innocently accepted the world that had been built for me by my family and culture, a world in which Islam was unassailable. What lay before me was a critical dismantling of my very foundation.” Nabeel Qureshi and Lee Strobel, Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus: A Devout Muslim Encounters Christianity (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2014), 35.

[xxv] The terminology has been borrowed from Phil Parshall’s New Paths in Muslim Evangelism: Evangelical Approaches to Contextualization (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1980), 241–256.

[xxvi] Phi Parshall stresses that “Emphasis on spiritual dynamics can easily be lost in the excitement of an academic exploration of new, fresh and stretching missiological pursuits. […] Professionalism is a constant temptation to a full-time Christian worker.” Parshall, New Paths, 241.

[xxvii] Jack O. and Judith K. Balswick The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 26.

[xxviii] Iliam, “What Helps Muslim Women Grow in Christ” in Ministry to Muslim Women: Longing to Call Them Sisters, ed. Fran Love and Jeleta Eckheart (Pasadena, CA: William Carey Library, 2000), 140.

[xxix] The term “incarnational” means simply that “the messenger must identify as closely as possible with the people she or he serves.” Paul G. Hiebert and Eloise Hiebert Meneses, Incarnational Ministry: Planting Churches in Band, Tribal, Peasant, and Urban Societies (Baker Academic, 1995), 20.

[xxx] Hibbert and Meneses, Incarnational, 141.

[xxxi] Julia Colgate, Invest Your Heart: A Call for Women to Evangelize Muslims (Mesa, AZ: Frontiers, 1997), 12–14. 

[xxxii] This model is proposed by Kay Waters in “Evangelism To and Through Family Networks” in Ministry to Muslim Women: Longing to Call Them Sisters, ed. Fran Love and Jeleta Eckheart (Pasadena, CA: William Carey Library, 2000), 180.

[xxxiii] Abdullahi A An-Na’im, ed., Islamic Family Law In a Changing World: A Global Resource Book (London: Zed Books Ltd., 2002), 18.

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EMQ, Volume 61, Issue 1. Copyright © 2025 by Missio Nexus. All rights reserved. Not to be reproduced or copied in any form without written permission from Missio Nexus. Email: EMQ@MissioNexus.org.