by Peter Empson
Let us imagine a child (call him John) of six years, who must go to the mission boarding school. Let us reconstruct a fairly typical experience for him.
Let us imagine a child (call him John) of six years, who must go to the mission boarding school. Let us reconstruct a fairly typical experience for him.
One day, quite suddenly, John is whisked away from his home. Mother and dad have stayed at home, along with baby Jane, his pet dog and mouse. Although his parents have primed him on what to expect, he still finds the actual parting rather a sad blow, and worse than that, he is to be gone for almost three long months.
John arrives at school and is shown to a room where there are five other boys. He is shown his bed and introduced to his dorm parent, who smiles and seems quite nice, but quickly has to rush off on some urgent task.
The worst thing he has to overcome is that at bedtime there is no mother and dad to tuck him in and talk to him for a while. His dorm parent does spend a short time with him, but it is not the same.
He finds that there are bells and whistles to summon him to meals, classes and devotions. The prayers said before meals and other occasions are very long, and are hardly ever much about food.
Gradually, he finds that the Christianity he has accepted at home is not there any more. Instead, he finds he is forced to go to services, and he must wear a coat arid tie, even on the hottest days. The boys a little older than himself have to learn a text from the Bible almost every day. Not many like doing it, but if it is not done, the teacher and some of the other boys don’t seem to like it.
John found out that there were special meetings at which some of the children pray far "things." Owe of the boys who went to the meetings came to John one day anti asked him why he did not go. John said he did not want to. The eight year-old then asked him if he was converted. From what the boy said, John did not think he could be, so he said no. The older boy then told him he would pray that he would get saved. That scared John a little. If only mother or dad were there, they could explain. Since they weren’t, he decided to talk to his dorm mother.
She was quite nice, but her baby was crying and he could tell she was in a hurry. However, she did come back later and explained why he should be saved. She asked him if he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart. Not wanting to upset her, he said yes and repeated a little prayer after her.
John was then told he was a Christian, and he decided to go along with this idea, as it was obviously what was expected of him, and it dept the other boy quiet. He also learned to give his testimony for the same reason. In actual fact, he was beginning to loathe church and anything to do with Christianity. When he was home on vacation, he found it difficult to talk even to his own parents about these things, because he felt he hid deceived them.
This composite picture of "John" is based on a number of actual experiences. For example, I once chatted with a child of ten who said he had converted at last one person recently. At first, I was thrilled, but as the conversation continued, I was a little dismayed at his boastfulness about his spiritual work. Another boy of seventeen told me that for years he had everyone "hoodwinked" into thinking he was a Christian, since he prayed openly and gave public testimony to the faith he did not, at that time, have.
The problem is that young people tend to conform to the society in which they happen to be (whether they agree with it or not), so they easily can(a) learn evangelical jargon, and (b) put on a form of Christianity that they feel is expected of them. (If this is sham, then they will be disgusted with themselves for their hypocrisy, probably in their early teens, and possibly turn violently against Christianity.)
BOARDING SCHOOL PRIORITY
This is why it is my firm conviction that the mission boarding school complex ranks as high as any institutional concern on the mission field, and probably should be considered as of the highest importance. It is sad to see school buildings and equipment put below that of hospitals and administration premises. It is wrong when some field personnel needs are ranked way above that of providing a dormitory parent probably one of the most important jobs on the mission field) or a teacher. Sometimes, a teacher has to double as a dorm parent, because of the serious shortage of staff.
Perhaps the most serious thing lacking in the school and dormitory is someone to whom the children can talk. By that I mean someone who has a sympathetic ear to the complicated problems young people have. This is why we must have the right dorm parents.
In talking to a group of older teen-agers, I put the question to them, "Can you go to someone on the staff, or your dorm parent, with any problem you may have?" Their rely to this was a little difficult to grasp at first, but it appeared in the end that although they could talk to a number of people, there was always a tendency for these people to spiritualize their problems, so the young people never felt satisfied.
To be satisfactory, houseparents-in addition to meeting normal missionary requirements-must be especially noted for the following qualities:
QUALITIES OF HOUSEPARENTS
1. Honesty. Young people cannot stand spiritual dishonesty. What I mean by that is the sort of vague spiritual generalizations that Christians sometimes use when asked a question. For example, suppose a teen-age girl asks why she is not permitted to wear false eyelashes. To say, "Well, my dear, don’t you think it is dishonoring to the Lord?" may give an answer, but is it an honest one? It might be more true for the houseparent to say that he would personally be upset at what others might think of the school and himself if he permitted her to wear them.
2. Genuine interest in the children. Interest to the extent that they know, when they talk to the houseparent about some quite small matter, that he is concerned about it because his valuable time can be allocated to show this concern.
3. Someone who is himself. No masks of religion! It is so easy for Christians to get bogged down with the traditions and language of evangelical Christianity that they become more important than the faith, the real simple faith that Jesus has implanted in us. So houseparents and teachers can gradually put on masks that are quite acceptable to their adult friends. However, children, as they mature, are likely to see through this play-acting. They can become confused by the complicated double life that it seems they are expected to follow. Houseparents must relax and be themselves-open, honest, straightforward, and not immune to problems.
4. Someone who does not push Christianity. The tendency is for mission schools and dorm workers to push for spiritual results. They can so easily feel that they owe it to the parents to present the faith. It is easy to try to get a decision before the child is ready. One can understand this trait in a dorm parent who perhaps came to the mission field expecting to be a bush evangelist, but who then found himself sent to the mission school instead. As a result of his disappointment he may therefore try for a spiritual response in the children instead- a response that is not the result of the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit in the heart of the child, but the result of a persuasive push from the outside. To be spiritually effective, mission boarding schools not only need the necessary financial help, but also adequate staff-people who are trained, briefed, and called by God for a very specific and important job. Well-trained, sympathetic and approachable staff are essential for meeting the spiritual needs of missionary children. In addition, I would like to suggest some practical points for school administrators to consider:
1. Keep parents informed about what goes on at school, so they can converge intelligently with their children and make them feel that they know what is happening and are part of it.
2. Encourage parents to get their children to share even minor problems they have by letter, or while on vacation.
3. Develop responsibility in children and allow them to make mistakes at an early age. To keep them closely sheltered may seem safer in the short run, but that is not the best preparation for facing the openness and permissiveness prevalent in schools in England and the United States.
4. While giving opportunity for freedom of action, let the freedom be adequately supervised. In other words there should be freedom within certain bounds. The bounds should be as wide as possible, but carefully guarded.
WHEN TO LEAVE THE FIELD
Of course, some missionary children just cannot fit into a mission boarding school situation, and the family may have to leave for the homeland where a more normal day school situation exists. We need to face some of the problems associated with this step.
1. It is not a mission administration decision. The parents will get advice from both their mission seniors and the school, but in the end the parents themselves must make the final decision, even if it means cutting across both mission board and school advice. Such a step will not be taken lightly, but I believe the scriptural teaching is clear that parents are ultimately responsible for decisions relating to their children. They cannot put this responsibility on someone else, no matter how dedicated these folks may be.
2. What wall our supporters think? The very subtle pressure of wondering what their supporters may think can have a strong influence on parents’ decisions. Missionary parents think the probability is that their supporters won’t understand, but will consider them missionary casualties. This pressure to stay on the field may save them from being labelled as missionary casualties, but parents must think clearly lest they cause a rather more serious child-casualty later on.
3. There is no one to take our place an the work. The natural feeling of the missionary’s indispensability, coupled with the realization that there may be no one to replace him, should not influence parents to any great degree. The missionary himself, of course, is not indispensable, and if he really wants to put God first-and not the work-then he will have to be open to other possibilities and changes.
4. The problem of returning to the homeland to find a job and house. This is a practical, valid problem, especially if the missionary has no other profession or occupation to return to. Most missionaries do not have the money for a down payment on a house. Perhaps mission societies should make definite provision for specialized training and financial support for a reasonable time after the missionary returns home. Ultimately, parents look to God’s provision, once they decide the correct action is to return home for the sake of their children.
5. Security of the missionary existence. Very few people enjoy a change for the sake of a change, and missionaries are no exception. They get used to the culture, language, climate, and landscape. Also, there is a measure of security even in their support. They also begin to drift slightly away from the culture of their home countries. The emotional change, even for the sake of their children, may be quite hard to accept.
It is easy for parents to sacrifice their children on the altar of their own selfishness. The decision has to be made, and made in the realization that all these subtle pressures will tend to influence them to stay put. The one overriding consideration is whether or not the child would benefit from a move to a day school education in the homeland.
AT HOME OR OVERSEAS
One of the joys and privileges, as well as responsibilities, of Christian marriage is to raise children and allow them to grow up in a happy family atmosphere where there is a realization of a living, personal God. The best sort of home for a youngster to grow up in is where everyone is reasonably relaxed and themselves. There will be a good proportion of fun and games, interlaced with firm standards and fair discipline. Parents will be easily available to give an ear to the most trivial problem or complaint with a good measure of sympathy and understanding. The child definitely will not be preached at, but gently encouraged into realizing that the God his parents know is real, and that God is as concerned about him as are his own parents.
All this speaks of home security – a place where a child is accepted, listened to, understood and very much loved. It is a place where it is possible for the child to have his day-to-day questions and problems answered. This security is of tremendous importance in giving a growing child a rock-firm stability that will be essential throughout his life. A child who grows up in an unstable family atmosphere has, in my mind, inherited a grave handicap as he starts out in life.
I am not referring to the stability that is the result of the child’s knowledge of Jesus as Savior. That knowledge, combined with family security, is what I mean. It is possible that missionary parents can indoctrinate their children so they could satisfactorily complete the doctrinal part of an entrance examination for almost any evangelical Bible college at the age of ten, but at the same time have them end up, at sixteen or seventeen, being completely enslaved by drink, hard drugs and/or immoral living. Missionaries dare not neglect their children for the sake of the "work"! Some years ago a friend, when taking some children home from boarding school, was staggered to hear that they were not looking forward to going home, since they realized that they interfered with their parents’" work for the Lord" and they felt they were not wanted.
It is important to make tame to be with the children when they are home from school. One missionary parent said that the first week of school vacation her children were like strangers; the second week was taken up getting used to each other again, and then it was back to school. The strain quite often is felt more acutely by the parents than the children, but do we really understand the unseen emotional strain that the young people are being subjected to? Good, sound, solid Christian teaching and Bible instruction is not nearly enough for our children in this modern world that has little time for the individual.
The children of missionary parents need to see a Christianity that has time for them as real people – people with many doubts and fears. As we look carefully at our own lives, we missionaries cannot be seen to be immune from the sins of this world. We therefore cannot expect perfection from our children, be they Christian or non-Christian. We need to see the world as it is, and do our utmost to bring our children up to be able to live in it as useful Christian citizens. We need to pray very much, but in addition to praying, we need to consider what practical steps we can take, and then go ahead and take them.
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