Spiritual Miscarriage: The Death of a Vision

EMQ » April–June 2022 » Volume 58 Issue 2

By Brenda Bosch

Spiritual miscarriage is not a term that is widely known. It occurs when a vision in your spirit that leads to much preparation and passion, does not materialize. It leaves you feeling like a withered and dead plant, without it ever flowering.[1]

This experience has similarities to a physical miscarriage.[2] When parents expect a child, they spin colourful dreams about their child’s future and ready themselves for the changes that a baby brings about. In the same way, much time, money, and energy go into the preparation of a cross-cultural worker or missionary. All their dreams, plans and routines start revolving around their upcoming missionary experience. Then at last, they excitedly begin their work, often moving abroad to do so.

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Spiritual miscarriage occurs when a missionary’s vision has grown and may even be partially materialized but is suddenly aborted by an unforeseen circumstance. Its cause could be due to visa problems, war, natural disasters, illness or a pandemic, accidents, or financial lack. It could be relational trauma from slander or wrongful accusations. It could be caused by the needs of the missionary’s family or elderly parents, or a personal failure.

This inevitably leads to feelings of shock, confusion, emptiness, and grief. Like with a physical miscarriage, the painful void cannot merely be filled with another child or by other activities. Recovery takes time. A missionary and their family that is involuntarily sent home or even placed in a new location or in new roles are torn away from their world and may feel crushed.

Emotional Symptoms of Miscarriage

The feelings following a spiritual miscarriage are similar to a physical miscarriage:

• Loss: You have lost part of yourself – your hopes and dreams. Few people understand this.
• Grief: You may not feel you have the right to mourn, so this grief is often repressed. Sacrifices and pain are not acknowledged. Anticipated fruit cannot be celebrated. Some may even ask why you are still crying.[3]
• Anger and frustration: You could feel victimised because colleagues can succeed, but not you. You may even feel like screaming at God – offended by the loss he allowed.
• Guilt and shame: Like a bereaved mother, you may feel like you caused the loss.
• Asking “Why?”: This is firstly asking about our identity: “Where do I fit? Who am I? Did I contribute to this mess, and how?” We are secondly asking about God: “Does God care? Why is He angry with me?” Beware of getting stuck here.
• Helplessness and failure: A paralyzing and decreased self-worth (“I am not a good enough missionary”) can lead to depriving ourselves of connection and intimacy with God, and thus the possibility to conceive a new vision.
• Depression: This reduces motivation, causes sadness, difficulty concentrating or sleeping, lack of appetite, and a feeling of being directionless.
• Numbness or emptiness: Like a bereaved mother, you may not allow yourself to feel excitement; instead, your emotions stay on an even keel[4] in case another miscarriage takes place.
• Fear: You may be fearful of another missionary vision or pregnancy, thus fearing intimacy, fearful for the well-being of subsequent projects or babies.[5]
• Distrust or rebellion: “I trusted leaders, pastors and friends. Look at what they did! I will build a wall to protect myself.” Perhaps you cannot even trust God.
• Loneliness: Grief is lonely in any situation. In spiritual miscarriage, you may feel isolated from God.

Healing After Spiritual Miscarriage

“Dead circumstances cannot hold down … someone who has been chosen!” says Rev. T. D. Jakes.[6] With focused recovery time, it is possible to heal from spiritual miscarriage.

Helping Yourself:

• Accept the loss: Instead of rationalizing or hammering down a closed door, have a funeral for your spiritual miscarriage – accept it and grieve. At the right time, bring closure and draw a definite line so that you can move on.
• Acknowledge the pain: Losing something significant hurts. Do not be ashamed of the pain. Talk to a trusted friend, write, or draw.
• Forgive: Stop blaming people, God, or yourself. Forgive your offenders for their injustices and healing will eventually come.
• Ask God to heal: Over time the open wounds may become scars – reminders of past pain and evidence of healing.
• Feed yourself: Avoid starving yourself spiritually. Feed from the Word of God and allow the Lord Jesus to love you even if you do not know what to say to Him.
• Work with your shadows and fears: Face your insecurity and fears regarding your identity and worth.Instead of drowning in despair, look at the inward growth[7] that took place in President Nelson Mandela during 27 years in prison.
• Risk to love/trust again: Hurt and suffering could return. However, risk allowing yourself to be loved by God and others. Let your healing be tested to prepare for the next level of influence God has planned for you.
• Revisit the field for closure: If you suddenly left your location, consider returning later for a short visit to say your goodbyes and bring proper closure.
• Dream again; hope again: The enemy wants to kill God’s dreams in us, but God brings restoration. Risking dreaming again creates desire, and this produces passion. Instead of merely being interested, you will become excited![8]
• Wait for His perfect timing: Do not create Ishmaels (Galatians 4:22–31) by trying to help God bring things to fruition or to birth pre-maturely.
• Trust His Word to you: The Lord is faithful to do whatever He promised you.
• Help your children: The loss and grief your children experience are real. Debrief them – allow honest expression of emotions without correction, preaching or ridicule. Compassionately prepare them for the next step.
• Learn vital dependence and brokenness: J. Robert Clinton says our work is often not executed in vital dependence upon God. As we walk through our miscarriage of vision, God accomplishes his work in our lives and ministries through our brokenness.[9]
• Find help: Friends, prayer partners, a pastor, a counsellor, or a psychologist can help you process what happened. Look for other tools that also aid your healing.
• Keep communicating: Silence enhances isolation. Be transparent and accountable to your support network and loved ones.
• Give up control: Do not attack, slander, or belittle those who were instrumental in your miscarriage. Attempting to protect your reputation or control the outcomes when you’ve been falsely accused evades peace and continues craziness.
• It is darkest just before dawn: When things seem to go totally opposite of what God has told you, hold on to him. He has a good and hopeful future in mind for you (Jeremiah 29:11) and can be trusted. Cultivate your relationship with him.

Helping Others:        

• Avoid asking about what’s next: After years of preparation and sacrifice, a sudden disruption can leave missionaries in shock. Your well-meaning question, “What is next?” will seem unfeeling, even cruel, and increase pressure.
• Help them practically: If they have returned from abroad, help them with housing, transport, education, finances, and meals. Mind the children so the parents can get time for themselves. Encourage their financial partners to continue supporting them for at least another three to six months.
• Give perspective: This season of loss is only temporary; gently remind that it will pass.
• Debriefing and counselling: Provide opportunities for workers to talk about what happened. If they are too wounded to presently continue ministry due to trauma,[10] help them find specialised care.
• Help their children: Missionary parents’ losses affect their children.  Debrief their children using storytelling, skits, clay, stick figures or drawings. Help parents find other age-appropriate tools for their children’s recovery.
• Educate them: Connect them with resources on topics such as grief, loss, transition, forgiveness, trauma, suffering, etc., to help them deal with their circumstances in godly ways.
• Involve their supporters: Write to the workers’ support network and let them know how they can help – for example, send them this article.
• An interim role: After a miscarriage, a worker cannot suddenly pursue another vision. However, an interim role may provide helpful structure.
• Maintain contingency plans and policies: Workers need to know that their organization and church leaders have workable contingency plans in place that include caring for them when things go wrong.

Conclusion

You are not alone. Scripture records the impact of spiritual miscarriage in the lives of people like Joseph and Paul. Their stories also give glimpses of how God works through that pain to bring new hope and new visions. When we focus on healing after a spiritual miscarriage, we participate with God in opening the door for new possibilities. We can testify that we survived, but we are not a product of what happened.

Learn more about spiritual miscarriage in Thriving in Difficult Places: Member Care for Yourself and Others, Volume 3, pp. 35–76.

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[1] Ron Smith, “Miscarriage of Vision,” (unpublished lecture in Crossroads Discipleship Training School, University of the Nations, YWAM Nuneaton, Warwickshire, UK, 1994).

[2] Jennifer Hall, “A Ministry, A Meditation, A Statement,” in Fit for This Office: Women and Ordination, ed., Barbara Field (Melbourne, Australia: Collins Dove, 1989), 135.

[3] Naomi Reed, My Seventh Monsoon: A Himalayan Journey of Faith and Mission (North Sydney: Ark House Press, 2007), 112, 103.

[4] Reed, My Seventh Monsoon, 129.

[5] Reed, My Seventh Monsoon, 130.

[6] Rev. T. D. Jakes, Naked and Not Ashamed: We’ve Been Afraid to Reveal What God Longs to Heal, 3rd ed.(Shippensburg, PA: Destiny Image Publishers, Inc., 2001), 27.

[7] Parker J Palmer, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation (San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2000), 86–91.

[8] Robert H. Schuller, Success Is Never Ending, Failure Is Never Final: How to Achieve Lasting Success Even in the Most Difficult Times (New York: Bantam Books, 1990), 61, 52, 237.

[9] Dr J. Robert Clinton, 7 Macro Lessons from Desert Leadership: Insights from Moses’ Leadership (Altadena, CA: Barnabas Publishers, 1993) 8, 25.

[10] Philip L. Culbertson, Caring for God’s People: Counseling and Christian Wholeness (Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press, 2000), 277–9.

EMQ, Volume 58, Issue 2. Copyright © 2022 by Missio Nexus. All rights reserved. Not to be reproduced or copied in any form without written permission from Missio Nexus. Email: EMQ@MissioNexus.org.